sleeves

In my first blog I indicated that I had stuff I would be blogging about and working through,well some of that I will get into today. I was diagnosed about several years back with DID(or formerly known as multiple personality disorder),it’s not something that I have put a lot of stock into then or now, I knew I was somewhat messed up emotionally but I didn’t know they had a name for it, so,when they told me I was somewhat relieved but nonchalant. I just figured that was who I was, good bad or ortherwise. I today say I have parts, parts of myself that are different from what I call the real me but the parts are still me,confusing I know but that is the charm of having the disorder,and the term charm is used loosely because overall it is not that charming,on occasion it can be,but not so much. I do wonder what my self would be like without this disorder,even though I don’t let it define me, or use it to see myself as a victim, I do at times long to be “normal”, or what I see around me as normal. I feel most of the time like an alien, like others can see the parts and they judge me accordingly, according to whatever part they see, but here’s the catch they don’t know what part it is they see, and sometimes I don’t either, I just want to scream ,hey wait I have other parts of me that think, act, or do better than this, please don’t judge me so harshly!! I want to tell them to wait and get to know me better that i’m actually o.k! sigh…again I would just love to see what normal feels like.

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